Picture it: After a wild night out with friends, you stagger home with a cute little number you just met and spend the wee hours of the morning ‘busy’. Exhausted from putting on the show of your life, you roll over to catch your breath and a little sleep before embarking on the inevitable walk of shame. As you drift off, you plan your escape route in case she is a clinger.

However, in spite of your clever premeditation, when the moment of deliverance is upon you, your ingenious escape is foiled by none other than the United States government. They’ve locked down the city and you could be shot for venturing out. That’s right, Uncle Sam has kindly extended your night of romance. How thoughtful.

So, there you are with breath that could be classified as a chemical weapon, perspiring booze, and any minute now she is going to wake up! What’s a man to do? If there was a Worst Case Scenario book for dating, or more specifically one night stands, it most likely would NOT provide advice for surviving a post-coital mandatory government lockdown. This is unprecedented, folks! Well, until now.

Fortunately, for the rest of us, Esquire’s Dan McCarthy experienced this nightmare scenario when the government locked down Boston. Not only did he survive the awkwardness, but he also blogged about it live from the scene! Talk about taking one for the team. Here’s to you, Dan.

Looks like, in Boston, “Government, stay out of our bedroom!” has changed to “Government, please let me out of her bedroom!”