Lakers Can’t Compete With Free Chicken Fingers For Life in the Dwight Howard Sweepstakes

Los Angeles, in its best impression of the John Favreau character from Swingers, has started to creep us all out with its desperate attempt to keep Dwight Howard a Laker. They’ve plastered a billboard on the Staples Center all but begging him to not break up with them:


They launched a mock-up image of the iconic Beverly Hills Hotel dressed up as its favorite soon-to-be-ex:


Even the city’s most famous Laker fan has contributed to the slobbering, one-sided love-affair:

But guess what. Los Angeles? No matter how money you may be (“Baby look at me, look at me. You’re money, and you know what else? You’re a big winner tonight.”), Dwight just doesn’t like you in that way. Oh yeah — and also, Dallas is offering him free chicken fingers for life:


Sorry — their billboard smells better than your billboard. And there’s no state income tax. Besides, Los Angeles:


You’re so money, and you don’t even know how money you are. Let it go, L.A. Let it go…

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